Misfit Musings
Scripturient Fragments in an Online Jar
My Golden Ticket - Intro
“There was only one variable separating the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy.” ~ Dr. Brene Brown
All the "worst things" that ever happened to me aren't actually the traumas in and of themselves, I came to conclude one day. The actual worst thing that ever happened to me has to be whatever it was that happened that caused me to sincerely believe I deserved no better.
In my years of work with marginalized, multiply stigmatized people, one of the most important - and at times, probably literally life-saving - tenets I practice is something called "normalization." It's too easy, professionally and otherwise, to judge someone for their behaviours and choices. Many would categorize me and my tribe as bleeding heart liberals, but experience has shown me time and time again that context really is everything. And as someone who was visibly stigmatized and marginalized at a young age, I happen to have experienced first-hand the deeply harmful impacts of internalized shame, stigma and oppression.
It takes time to really come to understand how and why anyone thinks and behaves they way they do, particularly when the behaviours are problematic and/or self-injurious. To say "stop doing that" is about as useful as re-painting the deck chairs on the Titanic. In the "helping field" it's not uncommon to hear the phrase "get curious, rather than judgemental."
The healing value of being truly heard is immeasurable, as is the normalization of situations, behaviours and thoughts - and perhaps especially when our personal situations are chaotic, "criminal" and/or otherwise infused in stigmatized taboos. In the context of the current fentanyl crisis and overdose death epidemic, normalizing behaviour and losing judgements are probably more critical now than ever before. Getting curious rather than judging can literally mean the difference between someone's life and death.
My Golden Ticket comes from the place in my own heart and memory that invites curiosity above fear or judgement, with fierce compassion and empathy - with ourselves and everyone else.